Fighting is Easy... Unity takes Work

It’s easy to fight. We like to fight and win. In Core Energy Coaching, we call this Conflict Energy. We pay large sums of money to experience this Conflict Energy in professional sports. We root for our team, and celebrate if they win, and sulk if they lose. If our team loses, we criticize the coach, or the players, and become depressed, but hopeful for next week’s game. If our team wins, we celebrate with like-minded fans, and poke fun at the losers. If our team isn’t playing, we have no interest in watching.

In politics we do the same thing. If we are a conservative and a liberal makes what we believe is a stupid statement, we are quick to point out their stupidity and point out our opinions as fact. Likewise, if we are liberal, we poke fun at conservatives for clinging to outdated beliefs.

The fighting doesn’t stop there, it often escalates until we block these individuals from our lives. We then go to our echo chambers of friends who agree with us. We get energized as we watch news that affirms our political opinions. We won’t buy books or watch movies that affirm the views of the enemy.

The longer we stay in our “agreeable clusters” the more polarized we become. Your neighbors, friends, and family who disagree with you are the enemy.

Conflict energy has a negative side effect. Just like coming down from a sugar buzz that leaves you lethargic, conflict energy will leave you exhausted. You may find that you are grumpy, short-tempered, and unpleasant to be around. Just like the sugar addict is looking for their next treat, conflict addicts are looking for their next fight.

For a nation, this conflict energy has another devastating side effect. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “United we stand, divided we fall.” This motto has been demonstrated to work for or against the stability of countries throughout the history of the world.

A modern example of a divided country that immediately comes to mind is Iraq. Iraq has three clear divisions between the Sunnis, Kurds, and Shiites. Some believe that Iraq would be more peaceful if it divided into three separate countries. Each faction is warring with the other for control on a continual basis. It took the dictator Saddam Hussein to force unity in this country before he was deposed.

Our world has watched as most democracies transition into single political party dictatorships that force their will on the rest of the population.

The United States is at risk of following suit. The only question is whether the Republicans or the Democrats will ultimately gain control.

What can stop our democratic decline?

As fun and attractive as fighting may be, we need to reverse course. Deep down we all know this, but we are busy fighting for our side to win. Trust me, if your side wins, no matter which side you’re on, we all lose.

The way to reverse course is to value unity. When people hear the word unity, they think they are giving up. After all, if their ideals are right and the other side’s ideals are wrong, any compromise will be half wrong. When I use the word unity, I mean uniting along a common value that is desired by all people. This value is “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” In case you didn’t know, this phrase is from the Declaration of Independence. Whether ruled by a king, a dictator, or a democratically elected body, all of us want and deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Here are some basic ideas to help you unite instead of divide:

Are you stepping on the rights of others? If you are harming a group of people or an individual to accomplish some ideal of yours, you are moving away from unity and into division.

Engage with your opposite. If you are in an echo chamber of your ideas with your people, you may feel comfortable, but you are not helping.

Stay true to yourself. Unity is not sacrificing your own values, but it is questioning when your values are impinging on another’s liberty.

Meet people where they are. When engaging with your opposite, don’t criticize them. They have a rational reason why they disagree with you. It will help you to listen before you speak. Gain genuine empathy.

Acknowledge & validate. Validate the thoughts and feelings of your opposite. When others talk with you, they may know that you disagree with them. Surprise them! Respond by affirming how their feelings are rational given their view. You may be surprised how much more they will empathize with your view.

Unity in a self-rule government like ours does not look the same as it does in a monarchy or dictatorship. Unity is a voluntary action. Understand that it is in our nature to fight. I urge you to take the higher ground and unite.

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Jeff Schuster is an accomplished businessman, engineer, and writer. Three of Jeff's books are attempts at helping people understand and solve political problems that are being made worse by political partisanship. His first book, Trial & Error, is a collection of 14 short stories. ReEngineering Education is a story of innovative education reform in the midst of political corruption. Engineering Unity is Jeff's most recent book published in August 2023 addressing political polarization on wedge issues that politicians use to divide us. You are welcome to join our private Facebook group called Reengineering Politics where we discuss politically polarizing topics in a civil manner.